


An Unexpected Journey

by Margarie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25283230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margarie/pseuds/Margarie
Summary: “I will never apologise again. I will never make a toss that I need to apologise for again” Unspoken: I will trust in you, and I will improve. I will beat you. Kageyama felt some embarrassment saying this. To him, it felt like it could have been a confession. Hinata had his mouth open for a second before he steeled himself. Maybe he had understood.ORAn exploration of rivals growing in love together. This picks up in the first season after the boys lost to Seijoh.Tags and rating may change later, it depends?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 7
Kudos: 68





	1. One: No Time to Stand Still

**Author's Note:**

> It has been a while since I have written anything! I hope this makes you feel what I felt when writing it. This starts in the episode in season 1 after they lost. Kageyama is rinsing his head and he apologises to Hinata, that resonated with me I guess?
> 
> I am not sure about the update schedule. I am planning on writing 4 chapters, and have them all planned out already. I guess it depends on my motivation and how this goes down.
> 
> I would appreciate feedback on how to improve? Writing is a process, after all.

For Kageyama there had been no warning. He hadn’t realised that his feelings towards Hinata had evolved. Others had noticed the trust between the two boys. For one, Oikawa had noticed. And he used that against Kageyama- he had read him like a book. They lost against Seijoh. 

They lost, and Kageyama felt like world was ending. He had trusted Hinata. He had relied on another player and wasn’t that a good thing? Wasn’t that what he was trying to do? Trust others? But it had been used against him. Of course, Oikawa would use that against him. Of course, he would fail when trusting someone other than himself. He felt the water running over his head as he tried to hide his tears. The worst part was that Hinata hadn’t done anything wrong, he had been perfect. It was the fact that Tobio had trusted, no, relied, on Hinata that had lost them the match. Hinata said something about the meeting almost starting. He stood up, feeling the water run down his back. He noticed that Hinata was barefoot. The detail felt important, like something essential could be gleamed about Hinata from this one fact. He had been failed by Tobio and now he was barefoot.

He tried to apologise to Hinata, and Hinata tackled him to the ground. Hinata had Kageyama’s collar in both hands, his left leg between Kageyama’s. And he was so angry. He wished that he had seen the warning signs, because suddenly he was aware of Hinata’s body on his. Hinata was so angry that Kageyama would dare apologise. For some reason his heart was beating so hard in his chest that he felt like he was going to throw up. He realised that Hinata was feeling the same feeling of frustration. He hadn’t seen any warning signs, and suddenly all he could see was Hinata’s eyes. They were wide, angry, and sad. But also, open. Tobio realised that he felt vulnerable. There was a flash of something. Maybe admiration? Hinata looked so focused, so passionate. He looked perfect. A flash of something. Takeda-sensei called them over, and just like that the moment was over. They went to the meeting.

He tried not to think about it that night. He had dinner with the team. They all cried. For the most part, he succeeded. He was devastated from the loss, and he didn’t know how to express that. So, he didn’t think about Hinata. He thought about his failure and their loss and how he wasn’t good enough and Hinata. He decided that maybe it was better if he didn’t open up to his team, especially not Hinata. He was used to feeling lonely, to feeling alone. Maybe it was better if he stopped trying to bridge the gap, stopped trying to connect. Tobio felt a sharp pain run down his collarbone into chest. He felt like curling up into himself and screaming. He wanted to cry. Never had he been this confused. His decision felt ugly, it felt like something dirty. He was making friends, he was growing. But that had stopped them from winning. That flash of something crept into his thoughts, and he realised the idea of cutting Hinata off scared him. And that scared him even more. Nothing made sense and the absolute grief of being betrayed by his own trust pulled him down into sleep. He slept, and maybe dreamt of a flash of red. Maybe he didn’t want to lose his friends.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hinata found him in the gym. They agreed to practice receives. They both knew that Hinata’s receives needed work. He messed one up and Kageyama told him to squat lower. The air around them was tense. Maybe because they couldn’t stop thinking about their loss. Maybe because when Hinata mentioned that the finals were almost over Kageyama had a flash to Hinata pinning him down. His eyes, his bare feet. 

Hinata screamed and slammed a ball into the wall. He ran across the gym, still bellowing his frustration. Kageyama was reminded again of the absolute devastation that he faced after the loss. But it wasn’t just his to carry. His rival clearly felt the loss just as keenly as he did. He wasn’t alone. Hinata’s outburst was bringing up the feelings that he had worked so hard to push down. He grabbed a ball from the carrier and slammed it down. Another. Another. If Kageyama had known the word catharsis he would have recognised the feeling. They were both screaming and running and feeling. Eventually they tired out. Kageyama realised that he was grateful that Hinata was here. He was not alone. For the first time in his memory Kageyama shared a loss with another person. They hadn’t even said anything. Kageyama had been allowed to just express himself with no judgement and only understanding. Understanding that only Hinata could have.

Kageyama realised that Hinata really was his friend, whether he liked it or not. Hinata was his rival, that one person who pushes you to new heights. He couldn’t shut this off. He couldn’t go back to being the solitary king. Not now that he knew what he would be missing. The realisation that he wouldn’t destroy his friendships felt like a weight off his shoulders. He didn’t have to be alone again.

“I want to win.” Unspoken: with you, against you.

Kageyama knew what he meant. He understood that Hinata was not only talking about Volleyball, but also reaching out.

“I will never apologise again. I will never make a toss that I need to apologise for again” Unspoken: I will trust in you, and I will improve. I will beat you. Kageyama felt some embarrassment saying this. To him, it felt like it could have been a confession. Hinata had his mouth open for a second before he steeled himself. Maybe he had understood. 

“There is no time to stand still”. The way he was looking at Kageyama reminded him again of the day before. When he looked into Hinata’s eyes the world seemed to stop. There was no time, and they had to keep on moving to reach the levels they wanted but there was no way to escape the way that Hinata was pinning him with just his eyes. 

Shimizu interrupted them. 

When Kageyama went to bed that night, he felt better. He knew where he was going. The loss would push him towards his next victory. He was comforted knowing that he had Hinata at his side. Thinking of Hinata was tricky. His mind swung wildly between friend, rival, and something else. Rival and friend are compatible. But Tobio wasn’t sure how to categorise the new feelings. He knew that when Hinata had pinned him down he had been aware of Hinata’s body on his. He had been aware of his eyes, burning and serious and focused solely on Kageyama. He had been aware of his own heartbeat. Even though he hadn’t had close friends before, he knew enough to recognise that maybe that hadn’t been friendship.  
But he had no time to ponder, no time to stand still. He had goals to achieve, things to do, people to beat.


	2. I want it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter didn't turn out to be what I wanted it to be, but I think I am happy with what it ended up being. Comments and kudos are highly appreciated!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Kageyama arrives late for the party at Nishinoya’s house. He has no real reason to be late. Except, he didn’t want to come. He has been thinking about Hinata a lot. More than he used to. The thoughts are different from before, and for the first time in his life he feels his age. He feels like a teenager. Late at night his heart speeds up when he thinks about his interactions with Hinata that day. When he thinks of the excitement in Hinata’s eyes when he hits a spike. The pure determination that drives his teammate forward. He wants to avoid Hinata. He doesn’t want any of this, he doesn’t want this complication. Is trusting Hinata not enough? Does he have to want him too? He’s been thinking about Hinata for weeks, he thinks about him every morning and every evening. Every night he decides that he won’t think about Hinata again. They have lunch together every day because Kageyama can’t not have lunch with Hinata. He’s not sure he understands why.

He arrives late for the party and instantly forgets that he didn’t want to come when he sees Hinata. He is surrounded by a bunch of people that Kageyama doesn’t know. Hinata probably doesn’t know them either. Nobody has really noticed him yet. The music is loud, and the lights are dim. Kageyama moves to grab a drink, he knows he shouldn’t have beer, but it is a party and he’s nervous. He takes a moment to look at Hinata before anybody notices him. Hinata is the centre of attention in the group. He’s telling a story. Kageyama knows this because of how animatedly he is waving his hands around. His face is shining, he is happy. The whole group laughs, they are also happy. Kageyama notices Yamaguchi in the group, the boy looks uncomfortable. Hinata also notices Yamaguchi looking uncomfortable. He leans forward and whispers something to his friend. Yamaguchi smiles, his shoulders relax. Kageyama is in awe. Hinata had connected so easily with Yamaguchi, put him at ease. Kageyama briefly wonders where Tsukishima is, maybe that is why Yamaguchi is so uncomfortable. 

Kageyama can pinpoint the moment Hinata notices him. If he was shining before, he is radiant now. He excuses himself from the group and makes his way to Kageyama. Kageyama takes a sip of beer. It is bitter and bubbly, and he doesn’t like it. He notices that Hinata has one, too. So, he takes another sip. He’s not sure why Hinata having should compel him to do this, but it does.  
“Kageyamaaaa” Hinata sings. This is not his first beer.

“Hinata, you idiot” he retorts. Partly because Hinata is an idiot and partly because he’s not sure what to say to somebody he dreamt about last night. He remembers that Nishinoya asked him to keep an eye on Hinata when he got here. It makes sense now. Hinata’s cheeks are red, and Kageyama notices freckles. He is babbling about somebody he met and Kageyama doesn’t hear a word. He hears his voice: it is excited and pretty and makes Kageyama feel happy. He doesn’t hear the words. He sees that Hinata’s eyes are shining. His smile makes his nose scrunch. This feels important. After they lost to Seijoh Hinata had been barefoot and when he smiles his entire face scrunches. Kageyama’s heart skips a beat. He didn’t know it could do that. 

“You just got here, right Kageyama? Let me give you a tour” Hinata screams. He offers the tour like this is his house and manages to make it sound like a real adventure. A journey into the realm of Nishinoya Yuu.

Kageyama grunts, already being pulled by his wrist into the living room. The group that was there has dispersed since Hinata left. Hinata points to the bathroom to the right of the entrance foyer. They walk straight through the living room into the kitchen. There are a lot of people in the kitchen, and a lot of them greet Kageyama at once. Tanaka, Sugawara, Kioyoko. Yamaguchi is there, too. He just waves at Kageyama, uncertain. He years Nishinoya somewhere in the house and voices laughing at whatever the libero is up to. Hinata drags him away, they head to a hallway and enter a room. It’s Nishinoya’s bedroom. Hinata closes the door behind them.

“Sorry Kageyama, I just need a little break” Hinata smiles, scratching the back of his head. He plops down on the bed and the way he looks up at Kageyama makes him realise that he hasn’t said anything in a very, very long time.

“Why in here? And why would you drag me along?” he asks, rougher than he meant to. He sounds angry. He is mostly confused, uncomfortable.

“Because it is quiet in here and Noya said I could hang out in here if I needed to. And I brought you here because we are still doing a tour.” Hinata smiles again, blinding. Kageyama sits next to him on the bed.

“How much have you had to drink, idiot?” he asks. Mostly curious. Again, his voice sounds harsh. Always so harsh.

“Two or three beers. Not that much.” Hinata thinks a second and adds: “Ahhh Kageyamaaa is worried about me” poking at Kageyama. His hands push into Kageyama’s ribs, hard. He lets out a breath. In pain, in frustration.

“No. I am just asking, Hinata”. He means to sound harsh this time. He doesn’t want Hinata thinking that he’s going to baby him.

“You know Kageyama, I know you are being nice to me in your own Kageyama way.” Hinata says it with no effort, almost as if he rehearsed it. He sits up straight and pulls his knees up to his chest. He waits for Kageyama to respond. Patient, for once.

“Shut up, idiot.” Kageyama snaps. His blood is rushing in his ears and he can’t forget the Hinata from earlier, the one who had a whole group of strangers in the palm of his hand. The one who noticed Yamaguchi feeling uncomfortable and gently included him. That Hinata isn’t this Hinata, who looks almost vulnerable.

They sit in silence, and Kageyama takes a sip of his beer. It tastes sweeter. Maybe he’s gotten used to it. They both listen to faint music from outside. They both hear voices, people laughing. Hinata takes a deep breath. Kageyama thinks that reality seems slightly different. Outside is a different world and in here he could take any risk. He could probably lean over and kiss Hinata. In this reality, Hinata would lean forward and kiss him back. In this reality the music wouldn’t get any louder and Hinata would wrap his arms around Kageyama’s neck. Is that what he wants? Kageyama isn’t sure yet. In this reality his feelings might make sense soon. In this reality his dreams don’t feel like something dirty and bad and maybe in this reality he gets to confess.

“You know Kageyama, I don’t think I understand you.” Hinata says, his hand scratching at the back of his head again. Kageyama is thankful for this altered reality, he’s sure that Hinata would never admit this anywhere else.

“I’m not sure I understand you either.” He feels brave. It’s the truth. He understands Hinata’s love for volleyball. His need to keep playing and to be the best. But he doesn’t understand why Hinata sits with him during lunch and calls himself his friend and he doesn’t understand why Hinata packs extra things in his lunch that he knows Kageyama will like. Worse, he doesn’t understand how Hinata sweeps people up the way he does. People want to act when he’s there. He gains friends, rivals everywhere he goes and Kageyama does not understand it. 

Hinata gets up and asks to continue the tour. Kageyama isn’t sure what changed but the music feels loud again, and the spell is broken. He doesn’t understand Hinata and he doesn’t understand his feelings and he definitely doesn’t understand what happened. He feels like he missed something. A realisation. Hinata takes him outside. There’s a fire and lots of people. The whole team is here. Kageyama notices Yamaguchi standing close to Tsukishima. He seems more comfortable now. Less lost. 

They sit down by the fire and Kageyama notices how Hinata effortlessly breezes into the conversation. Hinata uses his hands to explain something about volleyball and Kageyama wonders if Hinata might be smart. Hinata’s face is lit up by the fire. Kageyama notices that Hinata is explaining to a girl, who gets up and moves closer to the two of them. She probably wants to hear better. Kageyama gets up to get another beer, and when he comes back the girl is right next to Hinata. He sits back down and takes a sip. It tastes bitter again. The girl is leaning forward and drinking in every word that Hinata gifts her. Maybe it’s the beer, but Kageyama feels surge of possessiveness. Hinata is angled away from him so he can’t see what his spiker is feeling. It’s the beer. Kageyama leans forward and rests his chin on Hinata’s shoulder, to better hear what he’s saying. Hinata glances at him and introduces Kageyama as his setter. The girl smiles and urges Hinata to continue his story. He’s talking about how he trained in middle school. Kageyama scoots closer and rests his chest against Hinata’s back. He feels Hinata stiffen and then relax into it. They don’t usually touch. In fact, Kageyama hasn’t really been touched by anybody for as long as he can remember. It must be the beer. But this feels good. Hinata keeps on talking to the girl, and when he laughs Kageyama can feel it in his chest.

Kageyama thinks back to that moment of altered reality. He had wanted to kiss Hinata then. Was that the beer, too? Somebody handed him a third bottle without him noticing. He takes a sip. He feels a bit fuzzy. He decides that maybe it doesn’t matter because the fact is that back there, he had thought about kissing Hinata. He feels Hinata pushing back into his chest. Not a lot, just enough for Kageyama to notice. Kageyama thinks about his hands. They are made for setting. Right now, his right hand is holding a beer in his lap. His left hand is supporting his weight to the left of Hinata. His fingers are splayed on the ground. When Hinata leans back he puts his hand down next to Kageyama’s. It looks small. Kageyama thinks of that hand. The left one never hits a spike. He wants to kiss it. He looks up at the girl and she’s still enamoured by Hinata. The conversation is carrying on as if it means nothing that Kageyama is resting on Hinata’s shoulder. That makes him sad, but he’s also relieved. Nobody thinks anything funny about him leaning against Hinata. Especially not Hinata. 

Kageyama stretches his thumb towards Hinata’s hand. His thumb rests there for a while, and then gently strokes the hand. Just once. Hinata doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t end the conversation with the girl. It’s bothering Kageyama now, he wants Hinata’s attention, all of it. Hinata has such intense focus on the court. Kageyama wants to be pinned down by that gaze. The whole world is fuzzy except for the back that is pressed against his chest, scorching hot. He feels his phone buzz. He leans back and takes the phone out of his pocket. His mom, it’s time to come home. 

He checks the time, midnight. He hadn’t realised how long they were sitting out here. Hours in silence. Hours of just listening to Hinata speak. He doesn’t think he’s been leaning against Hinata for hours, probably not. He leans forward again.

“Idiot, I’m leaving. Do you want to walk with me?”. His lips are close to Hinata’s ear, probably too close. He feels Hinata shudder. He wonders if that was good or bad.

“Yes” is all Hinata says before politely greeting the girl. They exchange emails. They greet the team, Hinata hugging a few people. Kageyama doesn’t hug anybody. They step into the dark together and the silence hits Kageyama. 

They walk in silence for most of the way. As they approach the spot where they split Kageyama feels a hint of panic. He would like this not to end. His head is still swimming. He’s not used to drinking, he probably won’t do it again. They reach their destination. Kageyama notices that the streetlight is out. He extends his hand and grips Hinata’s head. He wants one more touch before they go. He feels overwhelmed and squeezing Hinata’s head makes him feel grounded. For once, Hinata doesn’t struggle. He just stands there, staring at Kageyama with those big, brown eyes. It unnerves Kageyama, this isn’t like Hinata. He wonders if he crossed a line tonight, maybe Hinata is uncomfortable.  
“Be safe, idiot.” He tries to be normal.

“Hey! There’s no need to be rude, Kageyama”. Hinata steps out from under his grip and starts walking, smiling at his setter.  
Kageyama turns toward his own house. He didn’t want that to end. He has been wanting a lot lately. He didn’t want that to end. He wants to kiss Hinata. He wanted to slide his hand over Hinata’s, not just the one thumb. He wanted to hug Hinata. He wants a lot; he wants it all.


	3. A single step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A journey starts with a single step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody!
> 
> Sorry for the break in posting. I had some hectic deadlines and stuff!
> 
> I think the ending of this chapter is kind of abrupt, but I am unsure of how to fix it. That's my biggest challenge when writing I guess.

Three: A single step  
Kageyama hasn’t known peace. They are at the Tokyo training camp and he wants to kill somebody. One specific somebody. One specific person who will not let him focus on anything else. It seems to Kageyama that Hinata has gone out of his way to torture him.

Now that he knows that he wants to kiss Hinata, everything has become more difficult. Idle thoughts about his friend are suddenly very focused. He notices everything about Hinata, just like before. Except now he understands why. He understands why Hinata jumping grabs all his attention. He understands why he likes seeing Hinata smile and laugh with his friends. He is starting to understand the connection between Hinata during their evening baths and Hinata in his dreams. He understands the jealousy when Hinata spends his free time chatting with Kenma, his entire being focused on his friend. He understands all of this, but that doesn’t make it any easier. In fact, it makes everything a lot harder.

It was easier when Kageyama wasn’t self-aware. Everything was a lot easier when he didn’t have to limit the amount of times that he looks at Hinata. When he didn’t understand any of these feelings. And to make matters worse, he’s pretty sure he doesn’t just want to kiss Hinata. Kageyama thinks he might want to date Hinata. This isn’t just some simple physical thing; he actually wants to hang out with Hinata. Fuck. Again, he considers just killing Hinata. Surely it would be easier if he just never had to see or think about his friend (crush?) again. He hasn’t slept properly since the camp started. Hinata set up his futon right next to Kageyama’s. 

Every night when he’s trying to sleep Hinata chatters away. He whispers to Kageyama, so that the rest of the team can sleep peacefully. He just keeps talking and talking and telling Kageyama all about his day, even though Kageyama was there for most of it. Kageyama hasn’t complained, not even once. Because when Hinata starts he moves close, practically climbing into Kageyama’s space. He can smell Hinata and feel his warm breath. He can see Hinata’s outline: shoulders, chest, hips, legs. When he smiles, Kageyama can see the reflection of the streetlights shining in. And he smiles a lot. The streetlight also reflects in Hinata’s eyes. Sometimes when it gets very late and everybody is asleep reality changes a bit. Just like in Nishinoya’s room.

When that happens Hinata moves even closer. On their first night here Hinata had touched Kageyama’s hand. He had stroked his thumb over Kageyama’s hand. Just once. Kageyama remembered the party, but Hinata wasn’t drunk now. He hadn’t said anything. He had just turned away from Hinata to sleep. The second time that they had stayed up that late, Hinata had gone quiet. He had just looked at Kageyama. The new reality hit Kageyama like vertigo. He felt lost, pinned by Hinata’s gaze. It seemed like Hinata had been looking for something, desperately waiting for Kageyama to rush forward and for a second Kageyama wondered of Hinata wanted to kiss him, too.

“Hinata” he started. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. He knew that now, in the dark, was the time to say the things that he couldn’t say in the daylight. He wanted to know if Hinata felt the same, but he was scared. What if he didn’t? Worse, what if he did? What would they do then? Does he even want to know?

“Yes?” Hinata asked. He had been waiting for a while. Kageyama stayed quiet. Hinata started talking again, trying to fill the silence. He was telling Kageyama about his day, something Kenma had done. Kageyama watched him speak. He wanted to tell Hinata that he had been dreaming of him every night. That he had been listening to music that reminded him of Hinata. He couldn’t stop watching Hinata’s mouth moving. He wanted to kiss him, oh god. Kageyama felt himself inch forward. He needed to do something. 

“Do you like Kenma?” he asked. He had interrupted Hinata. If he hadn’t stopped Hinata from speaking he’s sure he would’ve kissed him. He realised what he had asked. Did he want to know?  
“Like, like romantically?” Hinata asked.

“I guess” Kageyama answered. His heart was in his throat. The darkness was making him bold.

“Uh, not really. No. I don’t think so. I think I like boys though”. Hinata said it as if it meant nothing. He didn’t know what that did to Kageyama. He didn’t see the fire flare up in Kageyama’s eyes. 

“Is… Is that weird, Kageyama?” he asked when there was no reply.

“No. No. I think I might, too” he stammered out. “like boys I mean, I think I do.” Again, Kageyama was thankful for the darkness. For the other boys sleeping. 

“I knew that. Well, I mean I suspected that” Hinata blurted out. Kageyama was surprised. He hadn’t said anything. Instead he had turned around and mumbled something about going to sleep. He didn’t want to know where this conversation was going. Suddenly, he had been so scared. He had turned around and slept and hadn’t known peace since.   
\----------------------------------------------  
Kageyama feels panicked when he gets out of the bath. Hinata is still in there chatting to Yamaguchi and Kenma. It’s their last night here and that is a problem for Kageyama. He had been trying to spend more time with Hinata to no avail. Their evening talks had continued, but they haven’t entered that weird altered state since they both admitted that they like boys. In fact, neither of them has mentioned it since. Kageyama gets out of the bath because he can’t stand watching Hinata anymore. He looks flushed, tired from the day. His eyes are droopy, but his smile lights up everything around him.

He climbs into bed and puts in earphones. Listening to his Hinata playlist. Songs that remind him of the little ball of energy and pure will. He’ll listen to it until Hinata comes to bed. Then he’ll take it out and turn towards Hinata’s futon. Then he’ll watch Hinata talk, trying not to kiss him or confess his feelings. Finally, he’ll fall asleep. This has been his schedule for the past week.

Most of it happens the way he predicts. Except they stay up late again. Eventually even Tsukishima puts away his headphones and goes to sleep. Hinata tells Kageyama about what happened at lunch. Kageyama doesn’t mention that he was there, he saw all of it. Hinata trails off and yawns. He’s obviously tired. Kageyama is drifting off to sleep when he feels a hand on his arm. Hinata is lightly stroking him. Kageyama is reminded of the fact that Hinata leaps before thinking. He feels that fear again. What if Hinata does like him? Will they date? Kageyama can’t imagine trusting anybody with his true self. He wants to believe that Hinata and him could make it work, but he’s not sure. He’s thinking (and overthinking) is usually a blessing but now Kageyama feels overwhelmed. 

He is overwhelmed but also thankful. Hinata is touching him, very softly. His movements seem composed and controlled, unlike the way he moves when they’re playing. He thinks back to the first time Hinata had pinned him down. This is different. Kageyama makes the mistake of looking up to Hinata’s eyes. He is pinned down by the look in his eyes. Kageyama is reminded of what it felt like to play against Hinata. Hinata is looking at him the way he looks at their opponents when they’re playing. Kageyama feels scared but also jealous. He’s never before felt like prey, but now… now he feels like Hinata could lunge at him at any moment.

His head is spinning, and he can feel the heat travelling up to his face. He can hear the sound of the other boys sleeping and he can hear his own heartbeat and he can hear Hinata shift around, a bit closer. Too close. Kageyama is scared.

“Ne, Kageyama. I think you’ve been getting better. I don’t think you’ll ever make a shot that you need to apologise for again” Hinata whispers. Then he waits. Because he is Hinata. He rushes into any situation, but always with Kageyama. This is strange, Kageyama isn’t used to being the one who needs to catch up. He takes a moment to process what Hinata said. Kageyama doesn’t know what to do. He remembers saying that to Hinata. He remembers it feeling like a confession. 

He shifts his left hand to his right arm and rests it over Hinata’s hand, stilling it. He can’t focus with Hinata stroking him like that.

“Really?” he asks. He’s not sure what else to say. 

“Yeah, I think so. I think we are like, growing together?”

Kageyama simply grunts.

“You know Kageyama, I still don’t understand you, but I think… I think I would like to.” It is barely a whisper.

“Hinata…” it sounds like a plead. He’s not sure what he’s asking for. Does he want Hinata to kiss him? Is he asking Hinata to stop this? Is he asking for more time?

Hinata suddenly lets him go. He shifts his gaze away and retracts his hand back into his own futon. Kageyama knows that he’s missed a chance when Hinata turns around to sleep. It’s never like this. He is reminded of leaving Nishinoya’s room, he feels the same way now. Like he missed something, didn’t see something important. 

He falls asleep, knowing that he’s made a mistake. He’s not exactly sure what, and he definitely doesn’t know how to fix it. 


	4. Destination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody!
> 
> So this is the final chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed this. I am trying to become more comfortable with writing again this was mainly for that.  
> Thanks for everybody who read and followed this. If you liked this, check out my other fic, Unattainable!

Four: Destination

Kageyama Tobio is generally a confident person. He believes in his own abilities. His mother says that it is one of his best qualities. However, this has unfortunately stopped him from ever getting comfortable with introspection. Kageyama is so used to always being right, always being brilliant (let’s not mention schoolwork) that he has never had to think about himself, about his own actions and motivations. He knows that Hinata and himself have shared some moments that he would like to keep private (because they are important, not because he didn’t like them). He knows that they both likes boys. He knows that he has been thinking about kissing his friend. He also knows that something has changed since that last night of the training camp. He and Hinata have barely hung out since.

Kageyama is well aware that he fucked up. But he isn’t sure exactly what he did. More importantly, he doesn’t know how to approach fixing things. So, he has resorted to just avoiding Hinata. The two weeks of almost no contact have been his fault, completely. At first, Hinata had tried to talk to him and walk home with him and have lunch with him and, and, and. But Kageyama felt so overwhelmed, so scared, that he kept on making excuses to not hang around the other boy. Eventually Hinata had gotten the hint. Nothing is awkward, necessarily. But it is definitely not the same. The worst part is that Kageyama has no idea why he is doing this! He has been making up excuse after excuse to explain away his actions, but he knows that there is more.

Lately, he has been thinking a lot. And he knows that he misses Hinata. So, he pretends that everything is the same. Until he sees Hinata. Then he panics and just leaves. The only place where everything has been the same is on the court. Of course. They have been playing just as well as ever. If Kageyama didn’t know any better, he would have thought that Hinata was using practice to try and communicate with him.

The revelation hits him like a ball to the head one afternoon when he’s walking home.

He is afraid.

The thought suddenly pops into his head and just like that, the flood gates open. Kageyama realises that he is afraid. Not of Hinata, but of these feelings. Of what they mean. If he’s gay, that is something that he needs to think about. It’s not like he ever didn’t know, but he has never been confronted by it this blatantly. Secondly, Hinata is his teammate. It is risky and scary to pursue anything there. What if they don’t work out? Not that he doesn’t think that they wouldn’t work out, but he is 16! Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly. He doesn’t quite understand Hinata. Hinata is like pure energy, he is always bouncing around and moving between things and finds it hard to focus on one thing. What if he gets bored of Kageyama? Pursuing this seems terrifying, like buying something you can barely afford with no option to return it. There is no restart, there is no doing it over. If he gives himself to Hinata, there would be no undoing that. And god, he knows that if he gives himself to Hinata he will give all of himself. Like he does to volleyball, like he did to his grandfather. He knows that he will love with his everything. And Hinata would expect everything. That’s just how he is, there is no way that he would accept anything less than Kageyama’s everything.

Just like he expects Kageyama’s everything on the court. Hinata has always been greedy. He wants more from everybody, he wants everything. Kageyama knows that this is what makes Hinata the perfect rival, the perfect teammate; but a terrifying potential partner. There is no second guessing, there is no room for doubt. Kageyama knows that Hinata deserves that, to be loved with everything. It would be wrong to string Hinata along, to not cherish him and treasure him and follow him wherever he goes. Does he want that? Does he want to be devoted to somebody? Kageyama thinks that maybe it would be okay if it were Hinata, but that isn’t good enough. A ‘maybe if’ is a disservice.

Kageyama is so afraid. Partly because these are big, scary thoughts and partly because he has no idea where they are coming from. He smiles as he realises that Hinata is pushing him again, still. How appropriate. The fear doesn’t abate. He is still nervous about these feelings. He doesn’t know if he could ever give anybody everything. Except. Except that Hinata is the first person that he has given everything to on the court. Nobody else has ever been able to keep up with him, he has never felt so comfortable with somebody on the court before. He had promised Hinata that he would trust in him, grow with him. That day in the gym feels almost holy now that he looks back at it. Kageyama realises that it could never have been anybody else. He had given his all and had been rewarded with somebody who can stand equal to him. He realises that even if they have a problem in their relationship, Hinata would face it head on, just like he does every other challenge.

Kageyama arrives home before he can dwell on it more. He eats and showers and drifts up to his room. He feels better, now that he has a better handle on what has been happening in his head. Sometimes thoughts have a way of sneaking up on him. He almost decides to have lunch with Hinata when he realises that it is Friday. It is Friday and there is no school tomorrow. Kageyama has always been brave. So, he texts Hinata.

You

Hey, are you busy tomorrow?

Hinata S.

No. Why, what’s up? 😊

You

Nothing.

You

Would you like to come over and like hang out or something?

Hinata S.

LOL!!!!!!!! wwwwww

Hinata S.

So we’re okay again? Not sure what’s been going on with you

Hinata S.

Yeah, I just have some stuff to do

Hinata S.

14:00 work for you?

You

Yeah. Nothing has been going on.

You

Will talk tomorrow? See you at 2

It is 14:07 and Kageyama is nervous. In fact, he has been nervous since he woke up but now, he is just sitting on his bed being even more nervous. Nervous to see Hinata? Lame. He re-reads their texts for the millionth time. Barely any emojis. He doesn’t text Hinata often, but that doesn’t really seem right. Well, he’ll see when Hinata arrives. He hears a knock and practically bounces to the door. He opens it and there he is: A small ginger boy.

“Hey, Kageyama” Hinata is smiling. But it seems strained. Kageyama moves aside so that his friend can get into the house.

“Sorry for the intrusion!” Hinata yells out as he starts to take his shoes off.

“Oh, uh, nobody is home today. They all had a bunch of shopping and to do and I didn’t really feel like going with them”

Hinata smiles and moves into the house. He’s been here a few times before, so he knows his way to Kageyama’s room. Kageyama trails behind, more nervous. He remembers everything that can go wrong. When he gets to his room, he plops down on the bed, crossing his legs. He notices Hinata leaning against the wall, arms crossed. He looks uncomfortable.

“Ne Kageyama, is it something I did?” Hinata asks.

Kageyama feels like fainting. Of course! Of course, Hinata would just spit it out like that. No beating around the bush with this one.

“It’s not because of anything you did, idiot” he says. His heart is so loud in his ears.

“Oh? So, you admit that there is something going on” Hinata smiles. It isn’t a pleasant smile. Kageyama gets the sense that this is some sort of competition. Fuck. He never realised that Hinata could have an edge, at least not one that he ever had to worry about.

“Yeah, I mean I guess” he isn’t sure how to start. “Listen, Hinata. I need to tell you something, but I need you to just listen okay?”

Hinata nods, he slides down the wall and gets comfortable on the floor. Kageyama decides to get on the floor, too. He slides closer to Hinata. He feels nervous, sweaty. But also excited.

“Look, so yeah I have been avoiding you. And, and I am sorry about that. I just didn’t know what to do because I kept on thinking about you and I was so scared of what that meant and there are so many things to consider and I just didn’t know what to do” he pauses. Breathes. “Look Hinata, uhm. Yeah, I guess I like you… like romantically, I guess”. It is a miracle that he gets it out.

Hinata looks dumbfounded. And then, angry.

“Kageyama, this isn’t funny” he says.

“What? No? I am not joking” Kageyama says, confused.

“Listen, Kageyama. Please don’t joke around. Please don’t say this if you can’t, if you can’t like commit to it.”

“I can commit, you deserve somebody who can give you everything. I’d like to try, if you’d let me” Kageyama whispers. His hand finds Hinata’s. He doesn’t hold it; he doesn’t want to scare Hinata now. Instead, he just puts his hand next to Hinata’s. His thumb reaching out. Stroking softly.

“Kageyama, I don’t know. This is scary.” Hinata won’t look at him.

“I’m scared, too,” he pauses “idiot.”

Hinata smiles then. A signature, almost blinding smile. Jesus. Hinata moves his hand and intertwines their fingers. The position is awkward and a bit uncomfortable but Kageyama feels like he could burst. His chest feels full, as if he needs to scream and he can hear his own heartbeat. Kageyama realises that this isn’t one of those altered reality moments. Everything feels real. For some reason, it feels even more sacred. This isn’t some secret whispered in the dead of night. The sun is shining and Hinata is holding his hand.

And then, Hinata is leaning forward, upward, to kiss him. He pauses, leaving some space between the two of them. Hinata pauses and gives Kageyama a chance to pull away, to second-guess himself. Instead, Kageyama closes his eyes and closes the gap. Kageyama had not been sure what to expect for their first kiss. He had been waiting for so long. He had always dreamed it would be a desperate grab for more of everything. He had dreamt of breathless lust that would make him beg for more. He had not expected this. He had expected Hinata to rush in, as he does with all things. Hinata was so very gentle, so very kind. The kiss was sweet. Two sets of lips just pushing against each other. A hand on Kageyama’s cheek, it lingers for a second and then moves to his neck, pulling him closer.

Kageyama stops the kiss. He feels overwhelmed and scared and so, incredibly happy. Instead he pulls Hinata into a hug. He smells Hinata’s shampoo and can feel his racing heart and his hand, now on Kageyama’s back.

Hinata was barefoot when they lost against Seijoh. When he smiles his entire face scrunches. When he kisses he is gentle, patient. Another important detail.

For the first time, Kageyama realises an important detail about himself: he might be completely smitten by Hinata.

“Kageyama? Are we dating?” Hinata asks, almost scared.

“Do you want to?” Kageyama asks.

“Yeah, I think I do, if you do.”

Kageyama smiles and pulls Hinata closer. This doesn’t feel scary, it feels right. He feels as if he has travelled and journeyed so far just to finally find home, in his partner. He knows that this will be a new journey, but for this one he won’t be alone.


End file.
